Transitioning from sugar dating to a romantic relationship with your partner can be a positive and fulfilling move. But that doesn’t mean that it’s always an easy change! In fact, many couples share that the transition from sugar partners to romantic ones takes good communication, vulnerability, and time. And even then, you’re going to have a few bumps in the road.
But you don’t have to go into it without help! In this article, we’ll talk about how to successfully change your sugar relationship into something new.
Make a list of potential benefits
First things first, you’ll want to talk to your partner about why transitioning from sugar dating will be beneficial to you both. This should be a neutral, non-judgmental conversation that leaves you with clear advantages that you can refer back to when things get challenging. Some of the most common benefits for couples may include:
- Emotional intimacy. Love is a strong motivator for ending the sugar part of your relationship.
- Balancing of the power dynamic.
- The knowledge that you are choosing one another.
- Potential future goals such as marriage or starting a family.
- Acceptance of your relationship by colleagues, family, and friends.
You and your partner may have your own unique reasons for calling it quits with sugar dating, so make sure to give yourselves time to think it over carefully.
Talk, also, about what you might be giving up
This may seem counterintuitive—after all, isn’t there a risk that you’ll talk yourself out of transitioning from sugar dating? But actually, acknowledging the aspects of your sugar relationship that you might miss is a crucial step. It will allow you to make a plan for dealing with those losses so that they don’t lead to resentment or regret.
Here are a few examples:
As a sugar daddy, you might find that you miss how integral dating was to your sugar relationship. Every week, you took your sugar baby to new restaurants, hidden gems, shopping sprees, and anything to surprise and delight her. But as a partner, it may become more common for the two of you to spend time relaxing at home or going to family gatherings.
A possible solution, of course, would be to talk to your sugar baby about continuing to schedule sugar-dating-style dates so that your relationship stays fresh and exciting.
As a sugar baby, on the other hand, the sudden loss of an allowance might be a burden on you, especially if committing to a traditional relationship means ending things with other sugar daddies. As such, you might want to talk to your new partner about how they might help you with the transition so that it’s not such a sudden change. They might, for instance, continue to help you with things like groceries and rent, or help you advance your career to be able to enjoy a higher income.
Choose the kind of romantic relationship you want
Just because you’re going from a sugar relationship to a romantic one doesn’t mean that you have to opt for the most “vanilla” kind of partnership (unless that’s what you want!). In reality, your new relationship can look the way that you two want it to. In fact, here are a few common couplings for former sugar partners:
- Monogamish. Maybe you want to enter into a romantic relationship with one of your former sugar daddies without giving up your other arrangements. In this situation, your romantic partner would take precedence but you could still benefit from the sugaring lifestyle.
- Swinging. Swinging is a popular option for many former sugar partners because it allows for continued explorations in intimacy and dating.
- Polyamory. If you’re looking for a romantic dating style that really throws out the traditional mold, polyamory might appeal to you!
At the end of the day, you and your partner will need to discuss and come to an agreement about what kind of romantic relationship will work for you.
Discuss how you’ll transition away from allowances
We already touched on this briefly, but it’s worth taking a closer look at how exactly you plan on taking the sugar out of your relationship. After all, removing this element will change the dynamics between you, and you need to be prepared for that. As such, consider talking through the following questions:
- What impact will the removal of an allowance have on the former sugar baby?
- As a former sugar daddy, are you willing to help with the transition towards a non-sugar relationship?
- What are both of your opinions on how costs are split, for example when going out to eat, planning trips, paying for gas, etc.
- As a former sugar daddy, are you dealing with any fears or doubts about removing the sugar?
- As a former sugar baby, are there any activities or expectations that you’d like to remove from your relationship now that you won’t be compensated for them?
Consider how you’ll tell people how you met
The two of you may feel comfortable and open about telling other people that you met on a sugar dating site or as sugar partners. But if not, you’ll want to have a consistent story that you can rely on when explaining your relationship.
Now, it may feel odd to essentially lie about your relationship, but remember that not everyone in the world deserves access to your private life. So, you can decide who is worth allowing into your inner circle.
Plan to start meeting each other’s families and friends
One of the biggest differences between sugar dating and romantic dating is that you’ll now be expected to blend your social lives together, to an extent. This doesn’t mean that you’ll spend all of your free time together! But it does mean that you’ll probably be expected to meet each other’s families, friends, and other important people.
Again, before you start making introductions with friends and families, make sure that you clarify how you’ll explain your relationship and past history. This will ensure that you’re not caught off-guard while trying to make a good first impression.
Be ready to undertake some more emotional labor
Once you become someone’s romantic partner, they may look to you more frequently for emotional support. This is a way for the two of you to bond and care for each other moving forward.
But, if your sugar relationship did not have an emotional component, this may feel new and maybe even uncomfortable to you. Here are a few ways that you can transition to a more emotionally intimate relationship with your partner:
- Ask them how you can best support them. Some partners may want you to help them troubleshoot certain problems in their life while others will just want a listening ear.
- Anticipate ways that you can emotionally support them. Obviously, you’re not a mind reader, but there are a few ways that you can anticipate what your partner might appreciate when they need emotional support. For instance, put away your phone when they’re talking to you about something. Or, consider bringing them food after they’ve told you they’ve had a particularly hard day.
- Make sure that you’re there for them when they need you. A baseline of care in a romantic relationship is being there for your partner. This is particularly important during moments when they could use extra support such as when they’re sick or have experienced a death in the family.
- Also make sure that you have adequate time apart to tend to your own needs. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup, so you’ll both want to make sure that you’re doing what you need to do to take care of yourselves.
- If the emotional burden is overwhelming you, discuss your options with your partner. Individual therapy or couple’s therapy may be a good tool to help you get through this transition with your partner. Just make sure to take the time to find a professional who is non-judgmental about alternative dating styles!
Engage in future planning, whatever that may mean for you
Once you’ve entered into a romantic relationship, you might be ready to start thinking about building a future together. For some couples, this will mean planning a vacation a few months in advance or planning on attending a friend’s wedding next fall. For others, this will entail talking about the possibility of having kids, getting married, or moving to another city together.
Don’t shy away from uncomfortable topics like jealousy, issues with intimacy, frustration, or a sense of loss
With a major change in your relationship, it’s normal to feel emotions that take you by surprise. Maybe, as a sugar baby, you never felt worried that your sugar daddy might leave you for someone else because you had maintained emotional distance. But now, you might be dealing with feelings of jealousy or insecurity. Or perhaps your sugar relationship featured more frequent physical intimacy than you’re having after the change.
No matter the root cause, you may go through a period of questioning whether transitioning from sugar dating was the right move. Instead of bottling up those feelings and hoping that things get better, your best option is to talk about it to your partner. Open communication is key to be able to support each other through this transition.
How are you feeling about transitioning from sugar dating to romantic dating?
In this article, we’ve shared some practical tips and suggestions to help make the transition from sugar partners to romantic partners smoother. Keep in mind that every relationship is different and your best resource is your partner and your own self-awareness. So, talk things through and follow your gut and you’ll be ready to take this step with your former sugar partner!
